please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
