Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
