Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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