YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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