i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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