I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize