exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize