you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
