so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
