My sheets look like a crime scene.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize