so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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