Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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