I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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