Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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