You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
