literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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