last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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