Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
