my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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