We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
