Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
