I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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