I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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