I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
