Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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