Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
