I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize