my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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