Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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