you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize