It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
