I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize