how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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