i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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