haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
