i jhust puked up my retainher.
This is not my ceiling
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize