Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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