Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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