I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
