Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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