I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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