Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I've blown a few things in my day
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
