i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
