once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
