She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize