does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
do nipples grow back?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
