all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
