I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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