he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Randomize
