I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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