I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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