My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
