she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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