I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
