rhymes with "ouble enetration"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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