I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
