Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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