Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My vagina is officially offended.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
