You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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