How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You did what with his pubic hair?
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