we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I need a beard to bite.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
