Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
