Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
