I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
