At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
