Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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