I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
50% drunk capacity currently
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
