What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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