I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
