My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
