I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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