My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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