I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
