actually, I'm a sock model
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
operation harelip BJ is a go
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
