im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
