True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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