I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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