so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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