I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
