Apparently you make a good broom.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
